May I share a beautiful story?

In one of my prior posts about mom’s passing, I mentioned there’s beauty in death, we just have to find it. Sometimes there’s beauty in knowing they aren’t in pain anymore. We believe they are in a better place. However, there’s something even better than that when the soul is released from human baggage.

About a week after mom passed I felt her energy change. I was back home in New York, working as usual, and preparing funeral arrangements for September when I felt the energy of a Queen in my home. “Mom is that you?” I questioned. It sure felt like her energy. I smiled at the thought of it.

Two days later one of my clients arrived for a session. Colleen Richartz Bjornsson is a wonderful psychic medium. Each time she arrives she has a message for me. “Who is Marie?” she asked.

“My mom’s name is Mary, but in Italian it’s Marie. Her father would call her Marie.”

The medium continued, “Well, she has a message for you. She says she’s on her way to Shambala. She’s dancing and on her way.” My jaw dropped. Mom loved to dance. “Do you know what Shambala is?”

“Yes of course I know! I had just begun to feel her energy shift into a high vibration, like a Queen.” I replied. We both smiled in complete understanding of what was happening. The information relieved some of the grief I had been feeling. Mom was rising quickly.

Two days later on Saturday night I was driving home from having dinner with my bestie Laura. It was about 8pm at night. The radio station was set to the 70’s music on Sirius FM. All of a sudden I hear the music and lyrics to the song Shambala written by Three Dog Night! Again my jaw dropped. Tears gently streamed down my face as I spoke aloud, “You go momma!!! Dance the night away in Shambala! I’m so happy for you! I will meet you there one day, but it’s not yet time! I love you momma!” I cried all the way home but specks of joy lingered breaking through the grief.

It occurred to me that all the healing work I did with her over the last two to three years had contributed to an easy ascension of her soul due to the release of her human baggage. Mom told me many stories about her life of emotional abuse from her mother and how she learned to survive and push forward in her life. I recalled her words sitting at the kitchen table earlier this year, “You, Pauline have helped me greatly to heal the story of my life.” Her words touched my heart and I hoped it was true.

I hadn’t realized the impact until this moment. Often times I wondered if she was healing from our talks and the energy I would send to her. It is unusual for a soul to ascend so quickly after experiencing trauma, and having rare bone cancer for 27 years. She was always a walking miracle, and outlived most of her friends and anyone who had been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma from 1993.

I believe the greatest gift we give others as they near their passing is to help them heal the karmic patterns of human life. To release the soul from trauma is ascension. To not have to repeat the hurtful stories, and be filled with Light is a real gift.

We need to better understand the death process and how beautiful a process it can be. When the soul has completed its human journey our responsibility is to let it go with love.

“Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain with the rain in Shambala.

Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame with the rain in Shambala.

How does your Light shine in the halls of Shambala?”

Now that is true freedom!

Yesterday morning around 6 am I was awakened by spinning thoughts in my head. The words, “Cecil the lion” intensely ruminated in my mind. I tried to stop the obsessive thoughts and tossed and turned to get back to sleep, but was unsuccessful. Submitting to the obsession, I sat up on the edge of my bed wondering why Cecil was in my head. I began to cry. I’m an animal lover and cats, even big wild cats are one of my many passions. “I’m so sorry you were killed Cecil,” I said repeatedly as tears streamed down my face apologizing for the ignorant humans who believe the act of killing big animals is somehow empowering.

As the day progressed I remembered Artemis, the Goddess of the Hunt had appeared to me several years ago. I felt her energy as an animal protector back then. It was 12 noon yesterday when I was in session with a client. Energy was running to assist this person to release an old behavioral pattern. Being slightly in trance as I always am during sessions, to my mind’s eye appeared Artemis with Cecil by her side. I began to merge with Artemis and became One with the Goddess of the Hunt. I am Artemis standing with Cecil at my side. We are on an unknown mission.

Cecil’s golden eyes met mine. The message is still downloading into my conscious mind, however, the essence of his message is that somehow, someway, I may be a vehicle through which God will work to stop the hideous act of trophy hunting, and perhaps affect other areas of animal abuse. Time will tell.

Cecil is still by my side as an animal guide. I’m honored he is with me. His presence is large and magnificent. He was not just a lion, his essence is that of a King who will right the wrong of all animals abused and killed. Artemis and I are still merged. To honor Cecil I have placed his photo on my desktop monitor to connect with him throughout the day.

I’m in tears writing this because it is true, powerful, and I am again humbled by the path God lay before me. How, when, with whom? I have no answers. Answers will come when God deems it appropriate. In the meantime I continue to ascend.

When you totally surrender your life to God, follow his Will, not your own, you will be guided to greatness in some way. Do not measure greatness by this story. Healing your life is greatness because it is your Light that is needed in any way you are guided to shine it. Your soul’s path cannot be figured out logically or planned or predicted. Day by day we can all be led to make a big difference in the world. Let go of what you think you should do, and let God lead.

When I booked my trip to Sedona for a four-day writer’s workshop, I had no idea that one day into my stay I would find myself sitting alone on a mystical red rock, just feet from a poisonous rattlesnake.

Before I left, my friend Amanda told me, “Sedona will have her way with you, and once you’re there, you can’t escape it.”  Intrigued by her comment I wondered how it would play out for me.  This was my first visit to the magical town.

The shuttle picked me up from Phoenix Sky Harbor airport and the journey began.

I arrived on Wednesday, a day early, with plenty of alone time to soak up Sedona energy and do whatever came to mind. As the shuttle approached the quaint little town, I saw a huge red rock formation for the first time. It took my breath away, and I knew I was in the presence of something divine and sacred.  I’d seen photos of Sedona, but to be immersed in its energy surpassed anything I could have imagined.

As we drove through town to my hotel, more red rock formations came into view, and I was in awe.  Those rocks have energy in them and they are like transformers sending out signals and messages to unlock the soul’s potential. Those rocks speak to you … if you can just listen to the soft whisper of their energy.

I sat on the balcony of my hotel room and stared at the exquisite red rock view for an hour. I was mesmerized. It had a hold on me and was conveying a message.  After a while, I felt the need to stroll around town, explore the shops and get familiar with the Sedona experience.  As I walked into each shop I felt at Home.  I was at Home with myself, here 2000 miles from my physical home, yet I felt completely safe and familiar.  Home is where the heart is and as long as you are connected to your heart, you’ll feel at home.  That was the message. What’s interesting about this is that prior to visiting Sedona, an angel card kept showing up in my readings, HOME.  My heart felt full of joy.

I ate dinner at a local pizza restaurant. Sitting outside, I could see  red rock formations  everywhere I looked, and they  captured my attention. They pulled me into their grasp and did not let go.  I was seized by red rocks, and I felt happy.  I was falling in love. I was being called Home.

The next day, I meditated on my balcony while the red rock transmitted energy into my heart. I felt love, pure love of heart and the message was: fall in love with yourself!  A love affair was growing between me, myself and I.  Deep connection with my soul solidified in a way I had never experienced.  I’m a teacher of self-love and have walked this journey for a long time, and yet another layer was revealed.  The message, it’s okay to have a love affair with myself.  To be so in love with myself is to awaken inner strength and courage to prevail no matter what.  The trust in myself and God to create, provide, and manifest the soul’s path became so clear I felt elated, and high on life! I needed no one during this time, no text messages or phone calls or connection to anyone but me and those rocks!  The only thing I felt was love for myself in deep connection to God.  This is what soul love feels like.

I decided to explore other areas and had a taxi driver take me on a scenic ride.  He drove me to an overlook where the panoramic view was incredible. The red rocks continued to speak.  A feeling came over me to sit on the rock and meditate for a few moments. I closed my eyes and felt energy flowing from the rock into my buttocks! The energy seeped into my body and I began to relax. Then I heard it. A noise coming from fifteen feet across the pavement. I looked up and saw nothing so I closed my eyes to resume red rock energy transmission into my body.  The warm energy flowed into my root chakra and I felt grounded.

I heard the same noise again, but this time I realized what it was–a rattle! “Oh my goodness,” I thought, “it’s a rattlesnake!” I couldn’t see it, but again I heard, rattle…rattle.  My first thought was to run away but oddly,  I did not feel afraid.  That snake saw me, but did not reveal itself.  A message was coming through.

Again, I closed my eyes to continue the transmission of red rock energy into my body and again I heard, rattle….rattle.  Three times was enough … so I decided it was time to finish. But for just a few moments I felt I became one with the snake.   Sharing my experience with the taxi driver, this is what he said, “Shamans say that a rattlesnake is symbolic of transforming poison into something higher.  If you have the ability to take the poisonous bite and live, you have the ability to transform energy from negative into positive.”

How profound was that since I am an energy healer, a transformer for myself and others and was on a transformational visit to Sedona!  How magical that a snake came to visit with such a powerful message.  Snakes also represent primal aspect of human beings and so my feeling was that it is a basic, primal need to love oneself very deeply.  By being so in love with ourselves, we transform the poison of others into the power of love for the whole.  Love is beyond fear.

For the rest of the day, I felt in love with me, myself and I.  I was having a love affair with myself, my Light, my Shadow, my Body, my life, and a snake!  Sedona had her way with me. She raised me up and I felt complete, in love and at peace.

We all have the ability to transform, to be the alchemists of our own life, to turn base metal into gold, and to turn poison into love.

The day I met Michelle, I met my twin soul sister. At seventeen years old, I was hired as a part time receptionist after school in a small Marketing firm. She was the executive secretary. Within two weeks we were best friends and learned we shared a common food interest—bagels! We both loved bagels with cream cheese for lunch. Several times a week she would walk up to my desk, which was in the front of the office, and ask, “Feeling bagely today?” That was a sign her craving was kicking in, and it was my job to go to the bagel store.

She was twelve years older than me, but that was no issue for two people whose sun signs were in Capricorn, who thought alike, never fought, and naturally believed in spirits, God and having fun. This friendship was based on love and honesty. Our “forever” mindset kept us connected through every marriage, divorce, birthday, and crisis in our lives. There was no doubt that our bond would stand the test of time, and we knew it.

Throughout our lives, we danced to Lou Rawls and The Drifters. We laughed, cried, and snacked on pepperoni, cheese and white wine. Many nights we sat at her kitchen table with an old deck of Tarot cards and dared to play in the Metaphysical realm. Our curiosity about what might happen in the future was hard to resist. So, with wine in hand, we lay down the mystical cards to see what would be revealed.

She was a friend and confidant. I would share my deepest, darkest secrets with her without ever worrying that I might be judged. And in turn, I would hold the same space of unconditional love for her. I figured we’d always be there for each other. The thought of any other possibility never entered my mind, until the day a doctor confirmed there was nothing more the medical community could do for her.

Forty years after we met, my friend lay in a hospice bed. The room was barren, with only bare essentials: a bed, TV, two side tables with chairs. Walls were painted in soft beige tones to subdue the senses. These rooms are minimalistic for a reason. The dying have a mission, and it’s not to be distracted by physical objects, things or décor that no longer inspire the physical senses.

Pain medication was administered through an ongoing drip. Mostly, she was sleeping and unaware of what was happening. But at one point she awoke to find me sitting at her side. Her eyes were still vibrant green. They were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, and often told her so. To see her awake brought a feeling of momentary joy, yet the rush of sorrow was waiting to bust through the wall around my heart.

“How are you Michelle? Are you comfortable?” I asked.
“Yes.” Her voice was weak.

I knew what needed to be said, but it wasn’t easy. The angels were asking me to assist my friend of forty years back to the soul’s natural home.

“Do you see a White Light?”
“A Light. Yes. A Light.” she whispered.
“Do you know what to do?”
She was silent and did not respond. Her eyebrows squinted together as if to say she was confused.
“If you go into the Light, you will feel peaceful.”
I felt awful saying it. Was I contributing to her death? What if she got angry with me for showing her the way into The Light? I didn’t want to irritate her.

With a smile, she repeated, “Peaceful, peaceful.” A sigh of relief swept over her face. I saw her delight in recognizing that peace awaited her. Thank goodness she was not angry with me. For so long, she had forgotten what peace felt like. Liver disease and growing cancer kept her in discomfort for the last six months.

“Yes…that’s right. Walk into the Light. That’s home Michelle. Peace awaits you.” Tears rolled down my face because I knew she saw it. She’s beginning to remember the way home, I thought, and I’m losing her.

Serenity replaced her confused expression as the way home became clearer and clearer.

“Don’t leave me. Stay,” Michelle whispered.
I slipped my hand into hers. “I’m here with you. I’m not leaving.” Her grip was firm, like a child needing support as it takes its first steps.

She fell back to sleep. Her breath was slow and heavy. Again, I am asked by God to help my friend so as to release her suffering as quickly as possible. As a healer, I can see energy blockages lingering in the body. These blockages must be released before one can ascend into heaven. For the next forty-five minutes I meditated with her.

How can God ask me to do such an unselfish thing? How can God ask me to expedite the death of someone I love? I was more than conflicted about it, but my job was not to question, it was to serve. To let her go would take great courage. My heart wanted to keep her here, but she is not mine to keep as we all belong to God in life and death.

I quickly drifted into meditation and saw the image of many angel wings fluttering in my mind. The support given from the spirit world was enormous and unquestionable. We are never alone.

The human energy field surrounding her body became visible to my inner eyes. I saw a block in her abdomen, the second chakra, represented by the color orange. The bright orange Light swiftly moved into my inner vision. I communicated with the energy of the orange Light and asked it to reveal the correction in words, to unblock the area. I heard the words, “releasing control.”

Still in meditation, I spoke those words aloud, knowing Michelle’s hearing was probably still intact despite her waning condition.

“Releasing control,” I repeated. Her pelvic area jerked upward, then dropped back into the bed. Within seconds, the blockage was gone and the orange Light disappeared from my mind’s eye.

Her entire energy field began to turn glistening white. Like a brilliant diamond, her aura was illuminated by the Light of her soul. Her soul floated upward, out of the top of her head. It looked like a movie, but I knew it was real, for it wasn’t my first time assisting someone into the Light. I breathed deeply in and out to consecrate the sacred work of the divine, who so graciously trusts me to be its servant. My task was completed.

I opened my eyes to gaze upon my friend. Her breathing remained slow and heavy, but peace lay upon her face. To me, she was still beautiful.

“It is done,” I said to whomever was listening.

We sat for another hour holding hands until I felt her grip loosen and fall flaccid. Slowly, I removed my hand from hers. She did not stir, and continued to fall deeper into eternal sleep. While her soul was in transition, her body lingered for twelve hours longer.

“I love you my friend. Rest easy now.” I kissed her forehead, then quietly walked out of the room to leave her be with the angels.

Her feet now walked upon the golden path to freedom, peace and love. She was reconnecting with God, with the soul’s true home. There was no turning back now, nor would she awaken on the earthly plane ever again. The final news would come soon.

At 9:30 a.m. the next morning, I received a call from Michelle’s daughter that she had passed. Despite everything, my heart sunk into despair. While I knew Michelle was ascending into the heart of God, I was left with an emptiness yet to be healed.

But I had been blessed with the gift of a twin soul: she was my guide in life. I was her guide in death.

The dying often give their gifts to the living who are open to receive them. During her life she possessed open heartedness, and non-judgment. Her door was open to anyone who needed a place to feel loved. There was a place at her table for anyone who needed a meal. She was a mother to all who needed one, and a mentor to everyone. And so from these gifts, she created a big family from diverse backgrounds, who are forever, touched by her love and warmth. I was one of them.

My forthcoming journey is to transform the grief into love, and to grow my heart. Through divine love, grief can be healed. I must reach higher toward God. There is no substitute for her, nor should there be. I embrace the transformation willingly, because I see no other way to honor the friendship we shared during the last forty years. This is how Michelle will continue to live through me, and remain part of my forever growing, loving heart.

Rest in peace my twin soul, until we meet again.